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Jun. 2nd, 2008 @ 09:32 pm Heart or Soul
Current Mood: Thinking
Yeah, it's an update.

During 'Grease' and finals and dance recital, a mom at the after school program decided it was her job to make my life a living hell. This is a mom I was friends with. Someone who had invited me to see her child in plays and basketball games. Someone who had invited me to dinner at her house. Someone I talked to on a daily basis.

At the end of April, I ADORED my job. Seriously, who gets paid to play all day? Sure there were kids who have tested my patience (and many more parents who have made me want to scream) but over all, some of the most rewarding moments I've had in my life had come from Y-Care. There was no better feeling than seeing sheer joy on a kid's face and knowing that I put it there.

Now it's the beginning of June. And I HATE my job. I spend the first half of my time there worrying about if this mom is going to say something when she shows up and then I spend the second half of my job being pissed over what happened when she was there. I'm so on edge that I'm taking it out on everyone -- the kids, my coworkers, my boss'. In the past month, I've slowly started to think that it's not fair to anyone involved to have to deal with my emotions. I knew though that I've been through parents that were horrible before and I've survived -- with a smile :)

And then Friday happened -- the mom came up on me like she was going to hit me and instead chose to scream at me in front of all the kids I've worked so hard to be a role model for.

I went into the Y today and told my boss that there was a choice to be made -- her or me. I had finally cracked. I'm tired of being bullied by a woman who is supposedly an adult. Yet, the Y can't make me any promises and I'm probably going to have to just stick it out.

Here I am with the job I love, the site I worked SO HARD to make amazing, the kids who I look forward to seeing every day spread in front of me. I'm not just some run of the mill YMCA employee -- I am a site director and I fought for that title more than anyone knows. Can I really walk away from it all (and ultimately let her win)?

It's a lose-lose situation. If I go, leaving the kids is going to break my heart (and anyone who's seen me in my glory at that site can attest to that). If I stay, this woman is going to break my spirit(and anyone who saw me Friday afternoon can attest to that).

So which is easier to have broken -- your heart or your soul?
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Nov. 19th, 2007 @ 07:37 am Childhood
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Last week, Steve (my boss from the city) called me and asked if I could run some fliers over to the elementary schools. I went and picked them up and headed off -- six schools, I figured I could get them done in an hour.

I work in an elementary school in Farmington five days a week. I don't know if it's because it's a newer school or because Wayne-Westland schools are older but I had a sensory overload when I walked into the schools in Wayne. The buildings are older. Even though the Wayne schools have been remodeled due to the millage, they're still old. Walking into Vandenberg took me back to days of knowing what was behind every door (EVEN THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE, OMG). Both Vandenberg and Flanders (the school in Farmington) are made of brick. The difference is, Vandenberg has brick on the inside, too.

The biggest difference I noticed, however, were the smells. Flanders smells ... new. If you go in around lunchtime, you smell elementary school lunch. Walking into Roosevelt though ... man. The best way to describe the smell is that it smelled like childhood. Tempura paint. Play-doh. Erased chalk. Lunch ladies cooking lunch.

A few years ago, I learned about appreciating the beauty in otherwise not-so-beautiful conditions. I'm lucky I get to go to a beautiful elementary school every day. Nothing compares to dim, dingy hallways and the smell of childhood.
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Oct. 6th, 2006 @ 09:11 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: hurt
There has to be a point when you finally say "Why am I doing everything for other people and no one is doing anything for me?"
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Oct. 2nd, 2006 @ 12:16 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: quixoticquixotic
Current Music: UGL sounds
I talked to Kyle for a bit after we studied for our Psych exam.

The jist of the conversation was me asking "Do you ever feel like you're just going through the motions?" and him replying, "I used to. I sometimes feel like there has to be something more."

Obviously that's paraphrased because a thirty minute conversation doesn't take place in two sentence (at least no thirty minute conversations that I have).

In short, I feel like I'm missing out on something. I know I ended the engagement with Karl because I thought I was missing out on life but ... I'm still with him. Nothing's changed except my left ring finger.
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Oct. 2nd, 2006 @ 08:04 am (no subject)
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Silence?
Being at the WSU Undergrad Library before the main doors open is a weird feeling.

This may be the first time I've heard it completely silent in here.

...

On second thought, the weird feeling could be the three cups of coffee I've already had this morning.
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Oct. 1st, 2006 @ 04:05 pm (no subject)
Who wants to go to the symphony with me?

No. Seriously.
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Sep. 11th, 2006 @ 07:26 pm Because you haven't heard enough on the news about this date ...
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
I was on campus this morning and I heard a person say something to the effect of "I don't understand why September eleventh is such a big deal. America is responsible for so much death and destruction but because these people are Americans, we feel bad on this day and we mourn the lives of people we never met. Five years have passed. Move on."

I had the urge to turn around and say "Should we say that to Jewish people who were killed by the thousands? They shouldn't feel bad because a Jew they never met died? What about an Iraqi -- should they not mourn when they hear of a fellow Iraqi dying?"

Instead I turned away. Ignorance is going to prevail regardless of one person's insight.
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Sep. 4th, 2006 @ 08:06 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: FSU v. Miami on ESPN
Quick update ...

Classes start Wednesday. I'm cramming 15 hours into two days. I'm taking ...

SOC 4100 Social Psychology
HUM 1030 Exploring the Arts in Detroit
PSY 2080 Intro to Drugs, Behavior and Society
SPA 1010 Elementary Spanish

Spanish should be a blow off but everything else is stuff that I need either for my major or for gen eds (yes, still). I formally declared my psychology major for a BS degree. Since I need 27 science credits for the BS, I'm thinking about minoring in biology. We'll see!!

I have ANOTHER CT scan on Thursday of my lungs. My doctor's office called last week and told me I had pneumonia (which would make the 18th time in the 21 years I've been alive) so I needed to have a CT scan and labwork done. Didn't make sense so I called back and they said "We're not sure if you have pneumonia. There's just a mass on your chest x-ray and we need to see it better". @@ Thanks. Hopefully it's pneumonia. I'm sick of the doctor and sick of the dentist.

I've been working like a mad woman. Still at the YMCA doing school age child care (I'm now the site director at my school, haha, how did that happen?), I've been doing mystery shopping like it's going out of style, and I think I just landed a volunteer internship at the Wayne State Psych Clinic as a research assistant! Yay! Hopefully that pans out, I should know by next week.

Karl and I are still together. He leaves for AT tomorrow and will be back in about two weeks. He's going to California and should have a decent time ... I guess. His family is still driving me batty but his brothers are both okay now which I will take over them being rude and catty.

MY 21ST BIRTHDAY IS IN 10 DAYS! You can all buy me a drink, thanks :)

I think that's it. Nothing too overly exciting. :)
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Aug. 5th, 2006 @ 11:20 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: frustratedfrustrated
Okay, so this post is just a medicine rant for me because it's my journal and I can, hmph.

I've had a chronic sinus infection for ... a long ass time, lol. Seriously, at least a year and a half, two years. In this time, I've become so immune to medications that it's starting to get to the point of "We know your body doesn't do Amoxicillen well so take 1500MG a day of it and it should work." Yeah, no dice. Still have a sinus infection.

So like a year ago, I go to the ENT for the 25th time and they give me Erythromycin. Okay, great, new med, maybe this one will work. After two doses, I was looking like the girl from the Exorcist. Violently throwing up for FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT. I would fall asleep for like 10 minutes and then wake up and throw up all over again. Karl thought I was dying -- he called the pharmicist, the ER, everyone he could think of that was open at midnight. Everyone's like, "Get some Gatorade in her cause she's probably close to becoming completely dehydrated and STOP TAKING THE MEDICATION FOREVER." Okay, no more Erythromycin.

Fast forward to now. I go to the ENT last Wednesday and it's this guy my mom worked with forever and he's all nice and fantastic and what have you. He puts me on something new -- Ketek 400mg, twice daily -- and says it should do the trick. I take the first pill that night after browsing the patient info (anything that's not FDA approved for children under 18 has gotta be good, right?) and go to bed after an hour cause my Vertigo (oh yeah, I have that now, too) kicked into high gear and I was like, "Well, since the room is spinning, time for bed!!"

I've taken this pill a handful of times since then. Every time I take it, I feel completely nauseous but as soon as I feel it, I go to sleep so I won't throw up. I finally sat down today and read the literature on it. If you've had an allergic or adverse reaction to Erythromycin, do not take this medication. FUCK ME.

I call the pharmacist who tells me if I'm not throwing up, I'm still good. So now I'm sitting here, feeling like crap, and completely pissed at Walgreens that they didn't catch the Erythromycin allergy flag in my profile.

All in all -- I'm really over this sinus infection. And if the Ketek doesn't work, I'm just going to cut my head off.
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Aug. 2nd, 2006 @ 11:33 pm (no subject)
Holy crap, it's an update from Angie. Don't everyone get too excited at once.

Let's see ... I'm not going to even try to recap what's happened since I last posted. I went to the ENT today to find out if I need sinus surgery ... so far, no. My doctor is someone my mom used to work with at Harper Hospital and he was telling me hilarious stories about her through the entire exam. He has a great bedside manner so if I *do* have to have surgery in the future, he's the one I want it to be with. Since he knows my mom so well and he knows my dad retired from Ford so now we have shitty BCBS insurance, he was like, "Do they pay for office visits?" "No." "Okay, I'll mark down the cheapest one then. Can you afford twenty dollars?" haha ... uh, yes.

I haven't worked all summer. My bank account is starting to get dried up. I work the primary election for the city next Tuesday, the YMCA starts up again mid-month, and I think I'm going to start the Spiriters again because I can. Between those three jobs and school, I should get back to having some cash.

Speaking of school ... back at Wayne State Univ this fall!! I signed up for classes the other day -- Exploring the Arts in Detroit; Intro to Drugs, Behavior & Society; Psych of Social Behavior; and Italian Culture and Civilization I. I go in to start the process of declaring my major next week and hopefully it won't take long. I'm trying to get in to be someone's assistant for the fall so I can get some lab experience in.

Uhhhhh ... Karl and I are doing well. He got robbed at knife point at work but he's okay. Now it's just one court date after another since they caught the guy that same night @@ ... other than that, we're doing okay. He's in Grand Rapids and I'm in Detroit for the next year until he finishes school but it'll work out for us since GVSU is where he needs to be and WSU is where I need to be.

I kinda miss Texas ... but definitely not all the drama that went with it. Maybe someday I'll end up in Houston again ... :)

That's it! Nothing else exciting!
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